My Place in the Queue

After the 1874 birth of their first son, Byron Herbert Callin, John H. and Amanda Walker Callin had a baby daughter on 11 August 1875. They named her Leota.

Leota died on 7 April 1876; we don't know what caused her death, but we can imagine how devastating the loss must have been to the young family. They must have remembered this little girl fondly, because Byron named his first child Opal Leota, even though he would have been too little to remember much about his little sister.

They would not have another child for three years after Leota, but when they did, another son was born.

Bowling Green High School

John Quincy Callin was born 11 July 1879 in Bowling Green, Ohio. In comparison to his scholastically precocious elder brother, John was more physical. He played football, a game that wasn't much older than he was; and he enlisted in the Army to support the American effort in the Great War.

That physicality didn't prevent John from following the family vocation, and like his father and elder brother, he became a teacher. Looking at the family and correspondence he left behind, he also seemed to have a wry sense of humor, and the "Callin luck" that my family jokes about to this day.

Bertha May Greenlee was born 5 December 1885 in Arcadia, Hancock county, Ohio to Allen and Ava Alice (Hales) Greenlee. Her father, Allen, died very soon after she was born, in 1887, and her mother remarried in 1889. Alice's new husband, George Cramer, adopted Bertha.

Bertha May Cramer
c. 1900

I wrote about the Greenlee family's origins in The Unknown and the Unknowable. Since writing that piece, I've learned a few new details - such as the date of Allen's death, and where he and his father, Robert, were buried. I've also learned more about Allen's mother's family, the Bollmans; but I'll save that for after the Callin Family History is done!

John and Bertha married in 1906, which may explain why he did not head west to South Dakota and Montana with his brothers. Instead, the young couple had their daughter, Yvonne, the following year, and in 1910, John was teaching in Fostoria. Their son, Norman, was born in 1912, followed by the death of John's father, John Henry Callin, the following year.

John (left) and Prentice Callin
c. 1918

The mid-1910s saw John and Bertha move to Lorain, near Oberlin, where John's widowed mother was living with his sister, Emma Matcham. John worked as an insurance agent for Prudential for several years. That's where they were in 1917 when John and his brother Prentice enlisted in an Ohio army unit.

From the scant documents I found, I don't believe the brothers were in the army for very long before the war ended; I don't think John went away, other than to complete basic training. He returned to insurance in the Fostoria area. John and Bertha had their third child, my grandfather, in Findlay, Ohio in 1920, and little Bobby was about a year old when John's brother, Byron, persuaded him to take a teaching job in Otsego county, New York.

John & Bertha in FL
with their dogs

John and Bertha weren't in New York for more than a couple of years, and they returned to Fostoria around 1925. But, once again, they seem to follow in Byron's footsteps and between 1931 and 1935, they moved to Orlando, Florida, with their two sons.

John & Bertha Callin

Over the course of the late 1930s and 1940s, John built several cottages, which he intended to sell as part of the real estate boom going on around Orlando. We have a number of letters to their son, Bob, during his enlistment in the Army, and almost all of them include an update on the troubles John was having with getting work done by contractors, or problems with tenants and prospective buyers. It's hard to read those letters and not think about how much more successful John might have been in Florida real estate if he had only waited twenty more years for Walt Disney to come along!

Of course, John would not live to see that day. He died in 1956, at 76 years of age; Bertha survived until 1971, though - and she died on September 20th, less than two weeks before Disney World opened. I'm sure by then she was well accustomed to the old "Callin luck."

Yvonne, Ginny, and Ed Weimar

     I. Yvonne W. Callin (1907–1974) was born in Fostoria, Ohio, on 9 May 1907. She was 15 or 16 when her father took the family to New York state, and she was attending Fostoria High School at the time, so she stayed behind, living in the home of her grandparents, George and Alice Cramer. About 1931, when her parents were preparing to move to Florida, Yvonne married Thomas Nathan Wirebaugh (1908–1971).

Yvonne and Thomas had a daughter in 1932, but soon divorced, and Yvonne moved down to the Orlando area so she and little Virginia could be closer to her parents. In 1939, Yvonne remarried Edwin John Weimar (1890–1958), a Purple Heart veteran of the First World War. Ed had survived the war with some lingering health problems, and spent his final days in the Soldier's Home in Brevard, Georgia.

       A. Virginia Ann Wirebaugh (1932–2004) was born in Fostoria, Ohio, but grew up in Winter Park, Florida. After her mother died in 1974, Ginny remained in Florida the rest of her life, occasionally visiting family in Ohio and Arizona. She never married, and never had children, but she loved her cousins.

I remember she always sent birthday and Christmas cards to my sister and me when we were growing up, and in the 1990s, after long distance phone calls became less expensive, she liked to call periodically and chat. After I started researching family history, I asked her about her grandparents, but if she talked about them much, I failed to save any notes. She didn't like to talk about her mother, who she missed, and I never asked about her father. She had a dry, dark sense of humor, and I was sad I never got a chance to take my kids down to Florida to meet her.

Norman Callin

     II. John Norman Callin (1912–1964) was born on 8 September 1912 in Fostoria, and when his family returned from New York, he attended Fostoria High School, as Yvonne had. Norman was the humor editor for the school paper, which doesn't surprise me in the least to discover. After he finished high school, his parents and younger brother moved to Orlando, and it appears Norman went with them.

Norman married in 1933, and by 1940, he and his wife had a son and a daughter. Their family remained in the Orlando area at least until some time after the end of the Second World War, and they had their second son there in 1946. But at some point, Norman moved them to Baltimore. He suffered from congestive heart failure, and died there in 1964, at only 52 years of age. His daughter is still living.

       A. John Richard "Dick" Callin (1933–1993) was born and raised in Florida, and moved with his family to Maryland in the late 1940s or early 1950s. He married Edna Mae Barkley (1938–2013) around 1961, and they had five children - a son and four daughters. One daughter, Barbara Ann, died in infancy in 1971.

       B. Michael Norman Callin (1946–1976) was born in Florida, and would have been very small when the family moved to Maryland. I don't know much about him, other than he appears in the Florida Death Index; my dad remembers his cousin Mike, as they would have been about the same age when the two families visited each other in the 1960s. Dad said after Norman died, the families lost track of each other, and he was sad to hear that Mike had died so young.

Bobby Callin
c. 1921

     III. Robert T Callin (1920–2007) entered the world in Findlay, Ohio, on 16 December 1920. One of my first posts on this blog, You Shoulda Seen the Other Guy, related a few anecdotes about him; he was my Grandpa Bob.

Bobby was the baby of the family, as Yvonne was 13 and Norman was 8 when he joined them. He was very small when John took his teaching job in Schenevus, New York, and he actually very nearly died there:

Schenevus, Nov 21--Little Bobbie Callin, the 23 month old son of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Callin was severely scalded Sunday evening at his home on Main street.  Mrs. Callin, the contralto soloist at the Baptist church, was attending an evening service, Mr. Callin remaining home with the two children, Norman, a lad of 8 years and little Bobbie.  In some unexplainable manner the little fellow got under his father's feet when the latter was carrying a large basin of hot water, and the child was badly scalded on the right side of his body.  There are  two very severe burns on the torso and while the right side of head and face is also affected, it is hoped there will be no scar or disfigurement on face or head.  Dr. E. C. Winsor was quickly summoned and did everything possible to relieve the little sufferer.
The Callins moved to Schenevus from Ohio about 18 months ago and Mr. Callin is one of the teachers in the high school here.  Sympathy is expressed by a wide circle of friends and sincere wishes for the little one's speedy recovery.

Obviously, Bob survived - and lived a long life. If you read You Shoulda Seen the Other Guy, you will begin to understand what we mean when we talk about the "Callin luck" - but as bad as things may have gotten, he always seemed to bear it and bounce back with a joke.

A World War II romance

In 1939, Bob graduated high school, and enlisted in the U.S. Army. He started out at Camp Blanding, not far from home; but soon, he was assigned training out west, in Yuma, Arizona, where he learned how to be a mechanic on aircraft for the new Army Air Corps. When he transferred to Luke Field, near the little farm town of Glendale, Arizona, he met my grandmother, Nancy Gay Witter (1925–2004). I've written about that, too, in When Things Got Serious.

After the war, Bob decided to leave the military and attended seminary. He completed degrees at Arizona State University and at Grand Canyon College, and began a career teaching math in the Glendale Union High School District. They bought a home on Gardenia Lane, and stayed there for nearly 50 years. Nancy eventually got her degree at Grand Canyon, as well, and taught art in the Glendale schools until she retired.

Bob & Nancy, about 1985
in their house on Gardenia
with Sam (the cat) and Charlie (the dog)

Bob and Nancy raised two children, my dad and my aunt; they left behind five of us grandchildren, and we've managed to produce a crop of of eleven amazing great-grandchildren.

In her last few years, Nancy developed a condition that left her unable to form memories properly. We explained it to the kids by comparing it to Dory, the fish with short-term memory loss played by Ellen Degeneres in Finding Nemo - but the effects were nowhere near as harmless or amusing as simply forgetting things and repeating herself. If Bob left her sight for any length of time - to shower or make coffee, for example - Nancy would quickly panic, and try to leave, not remembering that she was in her own home and thinking that she was in a stranger's house.

They moved into a house two doors down from the house where their daughter ran a bed and breakfast in Peoria, and Bob patiently took care of her for several years until she died in 2004.

After that, Bob seemed determine to enjoy himself while he could. He made some new friends (Hi, Ruby!), found work officiating weddings at the bed and breakfast, and began taking long drives around the state - probably reliving the many camping trips and adventures he and Nancy had enjoyed over the years with their RV and motorcycles. Dad and the family worried about him, an 85 year old man out on the road by himself, but he seemed happy. He always came home safe.

 - -- --- -- - 

That's as up-to-date as I can bring this branch of the family without talking about living people - unless you want to read about me, in which case, I have a book for you on Amazon!

I hope you enjoyed it, especially if you're one of my cousins, however distant! Or nearby. I've lived within 10 miles or so of Norman's grandchildren for almost 12 years, now, but haven't managed to make contact with them.

If you're one of them - or if your family is related in any way to James Callin - drop me a note. You can use the comment section below, email my Gmail address (callintad at Gmail.com), or follow the link to the Callin Family History group on Facebook.

Myers Family B - The Cowans of Missouri

Last time, we began with the second of our Myers-Ferguson families: the descendants of Welby and Eliza (Ferguson) Myers. This week, we will look at their eldest child; their daughter Mollie.

This is one family where the Callin Family History does not give us much to go on, and the records don't necessarily have all of the facts I usually count on in one document so I can be sure that the child of one family is the bride in another. I found Indiana marriage index records for a Mary A Myers which led me to a possible husband, which led me to a Find-A-Grave memorial which gave her maiden name and her husband's name. Because I don't have original records, I could still be wrong, and have the wrong family -- though I don't think I am.

The CFH (which was published in 1911) says this of the oldest child of Eliza and Welby: "Mary, born 1864; married, 4 children, three living." It goes on to give this Mary her own page, naming two of these four children as "Geo. Myers" and "William Myers" - which, since her married name would not have been "Myers," makes me doubt that great uncle George had the most up to date story on his cousins when he compiled this part of the family tree. You won't see a George or William in the family below. But if I identified her husband correctly, then the Census records and all that follows should tell the story of the right folks, and allow me to correct Uncle George.

    I. Mary Augusta "Mollie" Myers (1864–1927) married Richard Jefferson Davis Cowan (1863–1948) on 14 February 1884 in Knox county, Indiana, and moved with him to Wayne county, Missouri. Jeff was born in Cowan township, which is located almost exactly half way between St. Louis to the north, and Memphis to the south.

Jeff's grandfather, Richard Dickey Cowan, was born in Lincoln county, North Carolina, in 1782. He served as a Major in the U.S. Army during the War of 1812, settled in Missouri some time after the war (probably establishing Cowan township on a land grant) and was elected to the Missouri state house of representatives in 1828, 1834, 1838. Major Cowan died in 1868, and his son, Jeff's father, Richard Dickey Cowan, Jr. died two years later. Jeff's grandmother, Susan, took in Jeff and his two older sisters briefly in 1870, and then the three went to live in the home of Washington and Emily Ellis, where their mother, Eleanor, was the domestic servant. In 1871, Eleanor married Wallis Kirkpatrick (1840-1908). Jeff likely grew up in that household, until he was old enough to be on his own.

At first, Jeff Cowan settled with his new wife in Wayne county, and began a family. The couple had a baby every other year until 1890. In the 1890s, there are a few records of a Jefferson Davis Cowan in California, which could be someone else, or could mean that our Jeff Cowan was exploring business opportunities on the west coast. In 1900, his occupation was listed as "Hotel keeper," and in 1910, he was listed as a traveling salesman.

Hornersville Cemetery, Dunklin county, Missouri

Altogether, Jeff and Mollie had eleven children - all but one of whom survived to adulthood. By 1920, they had moved 100 miles south to Hornersville, in Dunklin county, which is in the panhandle at the bottom of Missouri. After Mollie died in 1927, Jeff lived with his son, Leonard, for a while, but at some point, he moved out to Los Angeles, where he died in 1948. Jeff and Mollie are both buried in the Hornersville cemetery.


     A. Uriel Cleveland Cowan (1884–1958) grew up in Wayne county, and in 1910 was living with his parents and working as a salesman in a dry goods store. He married Minnie Bell Kibby (1878–1963) some time before 1917, and they lived in Clay, Dunklin county, in 1920. Some time in the 1920s, Cleveland and Minnie moved to Michigan, where they lived in the Detroit area for about twenty years.

As far as I can tell, Cleveland and Minnie did not have any children. (But remember Minnie -- we're going to talk about her family more near the end of this post!)

     B. Cona Billie Cowan (1886–1967) married Edwin A Costner in Greenville on 26 October 1905. That much, I can prove with a Missouri Marriage record. Other researchers claim that the couple had a daughter, known only as "Little Tot," who died in 1909. I have not been able to find any records to confirm any of that, and Cona appears in the 1910 Census with her parents and siblings, and she is listed as "Single."

Cona married again, this time to  Robert Bryan Taylor (1894–1958). There are two Arkansas Marriage records for this wedding in 1935, but the couple was listed on the 1930 Census living in Hornersville with Robert's mother, Fannie. They remained in Dunklin county until the 1940s, when they moved out to California. They may have gone there with Cona's father, Jeff; Robert died there in 1958. After the deaths of her husband and father, Cona returned to Missouri, where she died in 1967.

     C. Nettie Beatrice Cowan (1888–1967) George William Stivers (1887–1939) on 3 January 1909. George was elected to the legislature in 1922 and 1923 from Wayne county, and served as postmaster at Piedmont. He suffered a heart attack in April 1939, and died.

     1. Phyllis Edith Stivers (1909–2003) married Homer E Beall Jr (1908–1965) and they have three daughters still living, and in their late 70s.

     2. Joseph Wiley Stivers (1911–1981) graduated from the University of Missouri in 1930, entered the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, and received his commission in 1934. He served his commitment to the Navy, and returned to Piedmont, where he was appointed as a postmaster in 1940. He served in the Navy as a Lieutenant Junior Grade, from 1942 to 1946; after the war, he returned to Piedmont and was again appointed postmaster.

He married Magdalene Stovall (1917–1996), but I have not found any mention of their children in any records.

     3. Carolyn B Stivers (1914–1992) married Arthur B. Meyer, Jr. (1916-1989) on 9 February 1940. Her name appeared on the marriage certificate as "Carolyn Stivers Larkin," so I assume she was married once before; however, I haven't been able to document that further. Arthur had also been married before, and brought a young son into the marriage.

Arthur's father was a bank president in neighboring Moniteau county, Missouri. Arthur was an editor in Piedmont, Wayne county, when he married Carolyn. When the war broke out, he obtained a commission and served from 1942 to 1945 as a Lieutenant in the U.S. Navy. After the war, Arthur took a job in Silver Spring, Maryland, where he and Carolyn were living in the late 1950s; they were there through at least 1980. After retiring, they moved to Littleton, Arapahoe county, Colorado, where they died just a few years apart. They were buried together in the Fort Logan National Cemetery in Denver.

     4. George William Stivers Jr (1920–1945) graduated from the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, in 1942, and served as an officer in the United States Marine Corps during World War II. He was cited for gallantry in the South Pacific, Guadalcanal in 1942 and Tarawa in 1943. He was General J.C. Smith's Aide de Camp and in 1944 he became an air cadet. That same year he received his wings from the Corpus Christi NAS. He was piloting Grumman Avenger, FT-117, that was part of the infamous Flight 19 squadron that disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle while on a training mission out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

     D. James Wiley Cowan (1890–1973) Beryl Viola Ferguson (1897–1965) around 1923, and they had two children, a son and a daughter, who are still living. Wiley moved the family to Detroit in the 1930s, where he worked in the auto industry, like his brother, Cleveland. Around 1944, Wiley and Beryl moved to Alhambra, Los Angeles county, California. Sometime after 1956, they moved out to Riverside in San Bernardino, where are buried.

     E. Everett Austin Cowan (1894–1972) grew up in Wayne county, Missouri, and enlisted in the U.S. Army in World War I, serving from May to December or 1918. After the war, he married Minnie Bell Bolding (1898–1990) on 12 May 1919, when he was 24 years old. They had three sons and a daughter; their youngest son is still living.

The family moved to Los Angeles after the birth of their first child, but returned to Missouri by 1935, and Everett went to work as a tool checker for WPA roads projects.

     1. Everett Doyle Cowan Sr (1925–2011) was born in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, and after his family moved back to Missouri from Los Angeles, he remained in Strafford for most of the rest of his life. Doyle served in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II, and was a lifetime member of the VFW Post at Strafford.

Doyle married Mildred Esther Fetterhoff (1928–2004) in May 1945, and they raised three sons and two daughters together. All but one of them survives. He retired from Springfield City Utilities where he was supervisor at the power plant.

Update from 30 Nov 2023:

I was very excited to hear from a living descendant this week. She had a correction to add, which I've edited to avoid naming the living.

Everett and Mildred were never married, and it is not accurate to say they raised their children. Unfortunately, Mildred wasn’t capable due to disability and Everett wasn’t around. She died of lung cancer in 2004. Everett re-married and had step children. "To put it bluntly, Everett wasn’t a father really to his children. Everett Austin and Minnie Bell Cowan raised" the two youngest sons. Everett “Junior” Doyle Cowan also stepped up as a father figure to them.

There is a record of a marriage license for Everett and Mildred dated 5 May 1945 from Cook County, Illinois, but applying for a license does not necessarily mean that a wedding took place. 

     a. Everett Doyle Cowan Jr (1946–2010) was born in Chicago, Illinois, and spent much of his childhood on his grandparents’ farm near Strafford. Junior graduated from Strafford High School and obtained an undergraduate degree from Southern Baptist University and a master’s of education from Drury University. He served for a short period in the U.S. Marine Corps, spent nearly 15 years as a teacher and a principal, and also owned a construction business and a lumber yard. He served as Mayor of Strafford, Missouri.

After retiring, Junior moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where he died in June 2010. He was survived by his wife, three children, and three grandchildren (as of 2010).

     2. Mary Ann Cowan (b. 1928) was born in Los Angeles, California, and returned to Missouri with her family when she was about 7 years old. Aside from a California birth index and two Census records, I have not found any other information about her, though her brother's 2011 obituary did say that she predeceased him.

     3. Kenneth Wesley Cowan (1933–1997) was born in Hollywood, but grew up in Strafford, Missouri. He graduated Strafford High School in 1951, and attended the teacher's college in Springfield. He enlisted in the U.S. Navy and served in Vietnam. I don't know when, but I know that he married, and that he and his wife had at least two sons.

     a. Troy Bryant Cowan (1960-1969) only lived two weeks past his ninth birthday. I do not know what caused his death.

     b. Kenneth Troy Cowan (1970-1993) named partly in honor of his recently decease brother, Kenneth enlisted in the U.S. military when he was 19, serving for three months in 1989.

     F. Richard Cowan (1897–1907) was the older twin, born about a week before his sister, Bessie. I could not find any record or newspaper account to explain why he died at age nine.

     G. Elizabeth Rae "Bessie" Cowan (1897–1955) was born on 7 September 1897, at least a week after her twin brother. She married John Stanley Krapf (1897–1960), a World War I veteran who served as a sergeant in the 43rd Infantry. He worked as a government clerk, and they had a daughter. It isn't clear when or why, but it appears the family moved to Los Angeles in the 1940s. Their daughter married, then died in 1948, the same year that Bessie's father died there. Bessie died in Los Angeles in 1955, and John moved back to Poplar Bluff, Missouri, where he died in 1960. He is buried in the Hornersville Cemetery.

     1. Phyllis Evelyn (Krapf ) Hicks (1925–1948) died in Los Angeles, just a few weeks before her 23rd birthday.

     H. Leonard Jefferson Cowan (1899–1976) grew up on the farm, and began working in the timber mills around Hornersville in Dunklin county. He married Ruby Riley (b. 1904) in Poplar Bluff on 26 July 1919. Leonard's father was living with them in 1930, before moving out to California. They were together throughout the 1930s and 1940s, but never had children as far as I could tell.

When World War II broke out, Leonard signed up, and served at the Jefferson Barracks as an auto mechanic. After that, I'm not sure what happened to Ruby, but Leonard ended up married to Myrtle M "Maggie" Smith (1908–1987), and I believe he lived with her during his later years in Chester, Illinois, just across the Mississippi river from Missouri. After Leonard died, Maggie moved to Las Vegas, Nevada, where she died; they were buried in Ellis Grove City Cemetery, Randolph county, Illinois.

     I. Curtis R Cowan (1901–1993) married 17-year old Bertha "Bertie" Lee Banks (1903–1924) on 5 June 1920. She died in 1924, and Curtis quickly re-married on 19 October 1925. This time, his bride was Essie Mae Chitwood (1909–1964).

Essie Mae was the half-sister of Minnie Bell Kibby, Curtis's sister-in-law (remember, I told you we'd talk about her again). Their mother was Esther Ellen "Nellie" Duncan (1854–1937), who married George Chitwood some time after John Kibby died.

Curtis and Essie May had eight children; five sons and three daughters, most of whom are still living. Like his older brother, Curtis worked in timber, and he lived in Hornersville until 1935, when he moved the family to Alton, Madison county, Illinois. (I couldn't say whether he moved there before or after his brother did.) The couple had moved to Chester by the time Essie May died in 1964; that is where Curtis died, as well.

     a. Kathryn Joyce (Cowan) Lloyd (1927–2006) was a realtor for over 30 years and attended Abundant Life Christian Center, through which she helped establish a prison ministry working with delinquent girls. She was survived by 4 daughters, 6 grandchildren, and 3 great-grandchildren.

     c. Stanley Glenn Cowan (1930–1980) enlisted in the U.S. Army, and served in Korea from 1950 through 1952. He appears to have been a career non-commissioned officer, retiring at the rank of Master Sergeant. He never married, that I know of, and he was only 50 when he died.

     d. Janett Cowan (1932–1934) died before she reached two years of age.

     f. Lindell Davis "Tex" Cowan (1936–2010) was just a couple of years too young to serve in Korea, but he enlisted in the United States Air Force. I assume he was probably stationed in Texas, as he moved to El Paso, Texas, and joined the Police department in 1958.

He married Genoveva J Juarez (1931–1995) and raised three daughters in El Paso. After Genoveva died, Lindell moved back to Illinois. He retired from Granite City Steel after many years of dedicated service as a welder.

     J. Thelma D Cowan (1905–1990) moved out to Los Angeles to stay with her younger brother and his wife, and was living with them in 1930. Not long after that, she married and electrical engineer named Stanley E Lindahl (1905–1987) and they had a daughter, whom they raised in the Los Angeles area. Both of them are buried in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale.

     K. Brewster Wilson Cowan (1908–1980) married a girl named Gladys W. (1908–1963) around 1930. I can't find a marriage record, but they were in the Census and U.S. city directories in Los Angeles, and they seemed to be happy living in California. At the end of World War II, Bruce enlisted in the U.S. Army for a few months, and served at Fort Macarthur in San Pedro, California.

I don't know whether they ever had children, but after Gladys died, Bruce did enjoy a whirlwind romance with a woman named Lorene. They married and divorced between February and September of 1966.

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And that brings us to the end of what I can tell you about the Cowan family and their descendants. There's certainly a lot to take in, and considering the leap of faith I started with, I hope this is mostly correct.

As always, if you are related to anyone mentioned in this post, please say hello - you can drop a comment below, join our Callin Family History Facebook group, or email my Gmail address: callintad at gmail dot com.

Corrections and editorial comments are not only welcome, but encouraged. I want to get this right!